My "Walk" ...am I alone?

Recently , I was blessed with the opportunity to listen to some close friends give their personal testimonies about their "Walk with the Lord". This I know is an extremely touchy subject for some, and not so much for others.

For those who are close to me I am sure you will easily understand, but for those who don't know me as well, should know that I am an extremely emotionally attached individual. I take everything to heart. My emotions are tied into every aspect of my life. My family, my friends, my food, my fun, my work, and even my spirituality. I take great pride in the things I do, whether it be for others, my kids, myself...whatever. I cry at good things, bad things, other peoples things, I am happy for so much more than what what directly involves "me". I hurt when those close to me are hurting. I feel so blessed when they are getting praised. I feel like a part of them when I pray for/with them. So, I have to admit, this experience really got me thinking about me, and my "feelings" when it comes to my spiritual "walk" or run or whatever I may be calling it that day.

I was raised with Christian principles and values, as was my husband, that is how we are raising our family. We believe in it right down to the core of our souls. We believe that God put us all here on this beautiful earth to serve a purpose. Whether we know what it is yet or not, we are all here for a reason. I believe that we are responsible for our actions, and should dang well serve the consequences for them. I don't believe that you must gather in a "sanctified" building to be considered spiritual or close to God. I understand that this feeling is different for everyone and as is the place where you celebrate it.

The other day, I was deeply moved by two friends and their courage to get up and tell their stories. In fact so moved, that I was bawling, and continued to be pretty teary for the duration of the day. Unexpectedly, when I went to bed that night, I just had this feeling of emptiness. Not in the way one might think. Not empty in my heart, because I am fortunate enough to have a ton a carry in my heart. Tons! Not all good, and definitely not all bad. But more so empty in my soul (maybe)? The feeling is a bit indescribable. So as I tried to sleep, exhausted from my emotional roller coaster of a day, I just couldn't get some certain things that were said out of my head. And it dawned on me as to some of the reasons why I maybe feel this way.

God, church, and spirituality had such a different meaning for me growing up. We didn't go to church that often. It was attempted, but not something that my family as a whole really made the commitment to. Heaven was a comforting feeling to me followed by the loss of a friend or loved one. Now as an adult, raising my own family, I know that "it" is so much more. I find myself feeling angry when something happens and I don't understand why. I admit, I sometimes I have doubts about God himself - is there one? If so, then why is there so much pain, and suffering? Why are good people taken so tragically, leaving uncut threads behind? Why do some die so sudden and unexpectedly, while others who poison themselves live for so long? Am I alone in this big world of confusion and understanding? And much too much, I question my purpose as a whole. I don't ever expect to have all my questions, and doubts answered or redeemed. And I know that it definitely won't happen over the next few days, or weeks, or months, it may take my lifetime.

I didn't sleep very well that night...I awoke the next morning, tired and foggy, but still genuinely devoted to seeking out whatever it is I need to fill that space. However, I can say this, thanks to these two wonderful women, two wonderful friends, my eyes are open wider now, and so is the door to my heart and soul. Just the simple fact of hearing their stories made it so much easier to relate to my "own".

I know that I am not spiritually empty, and although at times it may feel like it, I am not "alone." I believe that our spiritual walks should come more than just once in our lives, and it may be so unexpectedly and naturally that we might not recognize each walk for what it is. As for me, I don't know if I have yet to determine my "Walk with the Lord".

But what I do know is this, celebrated are those who Walk with the Lord, but truly blessed are those of us who follow Him from behind...

Cheers! Sunrise!

I got up in time to see the sun rise this morning. Which NEVER happens by the way. Very cool... very, very cool! So to fully take in and enjoy my fw minutes of complete peace, I started thinking about all the things in my life that I just absolutely love and am so thankful for.



The sunrise for one, because it started all this. But in short, some of the things on my list: I am thankful for my husband and is gracious ways of letting "me" be "me". My kids of course - all three of them. Who would have ever thought that I would have three beautiful kids? And I am extremely thankful for all thier individual personalities. They make me the mom I am, and I am blessed with the acorbatic feat of "staying on my toes" because of them!



I am ever so thankful for my Mom, and her strong and sometimes pushy ways of handing down her gift of creativity to me, so that I can do the same for my children. And I am thankful..oh so very thankful for our friendships. With out frienships I truly belive that we would all be walking around this beautful earth lost and lonely souls.



So with this being said, thank you sunrise, thank you for just being there this morning and letting me enjoy these 15 minutes of quiet thankfulness.....



Cheers! To a wonderful Sunday!

Cleaning out my itchy bitchies on this Snowy Day...

I know, I know, it has been a million since I last logged on to my blog and actually wrote, so I should kick myself in the butt for that all in itself, but needless to say...."I'M BAAAACK!"

So today, I went on a total cleaning rampage... shampooed every inch of carpet in my house. Why I am not surprised it is far from dry is beyond me, since it is only 33 degrees and snowing. None the less, I felt the need to clean "us" out! And I am going to get literal with that last part. Which has now lead me to cleaning out my brain before the weekend.

As I was shampooing and feeling somehow extremely relaxed by the gentle humming of the machine itself, millions (and I do mean millions) of tiny things were bouncing all over in my head. Like how nice it is that my 4 month old is also lulled by the shampooer and vacume for that matter. My other two chitlins are "actually" playing together,not beating that crap out of one and other. Thinking about how busy our lives as individuals and just as a family in general have become. Wishing that I could go on a date to a far away place with my husband, but still be back in time to put the kids to bed.

I wondered why people put light colored carpet in homes that will inevitably be purchased as one point in time by a family with children to will put forth every valiant effort they have toward spilling SOMETHING on it that will not come out. And speaking of stains..why does baby poop stain SO fricking bad? Why do bubbles turn your carpet black if not extracted the second they are DUMPED on the carpet...they are clear for cripes sake!

And who the hell invented dust bunnies anyway? Those little shits have been breeding all over my house making it next to impossible for me to keep up with all the dusting. The laundry fairy has yet to show up today...she's fired! My filing assistant also has failed to come to work for about a month now, so I guess I will just have to dive into that stack of stuff and put it away myself!

So for those of you who actually care enough to check this blog will probably log off feeling overwhelmed with my itchy bitchies, I truly do apologize, but what I can say of all it is this:

I feel cleaned out, I will start my weekend clean both in my house and in my mind. I won't take it out on my husband,my kids, or myself for that matter. So thank you to that genius of a person who invented that wonderful machine that sits in my laundry room called THE BISSEL PRO-HEAT Shampooer! I love you for it! Who would have ever thought I could silently get my bitchies out without taking it out on one single listening human being.

So, for those of you who clean your ass off on the weekends...my advise to you is this... give yourself a break, get a shampooer, start your weekend fresh, and do it on fridays!

Peace out!

Day 1 of who knows how many!

Ta da! I've officially started!! Not sure if I am going to be any good at this, but i am going to give it my best shot.....yes that is right.... I am now a BLOGGER! Beware though... I can not guarentee the sense of the content nor the level of explicitness.

This will be a glimpse at our life as the "Engling's Party of FIVE!" So if you have what it takes to dabble in the chaos, enrich your lives through our insane schedules, laugh your ass off, cry with us, praise with us, pray for us, and on any given day or moment, find photos, rants, raves, advice, opinions, quotes, or just plain BS, then stay tuned! Enjoy this my friends... this just might be the next best thing for all of us!